Dreary eyes refuse to open. The sharp rays of sun playing hide and seek through the curtains tell me that it is morning. I get up and sit on the edge of the bed. What is the point of waking up early, it’s just going to be another mundane day sprinkled with anxious moments, argues my mind. What is the point of human life anyway, my mind argues back with itself.

I sip on the hot coffee which has become a necessity these days to pump some enthusiasm into the blood. I look at the phone kept far away, its notification light blinking. I dread touching the phone these days as it only brings bad news. Let me finish my coffee first, I tell myself.

I look out of the window, my only real view to the outside world, the sun is shining gloriously outside the window, looks sparkly and happy. Does the sun know what the human species is going through? What does it think about it? I don’t know. I hear a cuckoo calling out with all its might, I try to spot it amongst the trees, I finally spot it, its tail going up and down as it coos, trying to attract a mate. Feels like nature is going on with its seasonal cycle, giving two hoots to what is happening to humans, well we deserve it, we have also never cared about it.

The coffee has finally hit my bloodstream, now I can start with chores for the day. I contemplate whether I should cook something for breakfast or just eat the lazy bread and jam. I promise myself that I will cook a good lunch and so I get on with bread and jam. I like the sugar rush in the morning, coffee and sugar that’s my morning pill for today, we need something every day, isn’t it?

I finally gather the courage to look at my phone. Today seems like a normal day, with no untoward messages. Just a few normal forwards and generic messages. I heave a sigh of relief. Now I can think of making something good for lunch I tell myself because food is the only thing that excites me these days and brings some temporary joy.

I look around in my fridge while contemplating whether I should try a new recipe or go with some simple comfort food. My mind shouts let’s try a new recipe; I am sure it is the sugar rush that is creating all this excitement otherwise life these days holds no excitement.

I scan through some recipes and pick one with simple steps, I am still not the one to cook something elaborate. It’s a traditional Kerala recipe for a curry with jackfruit seeds. I had been craving ripe jackfruit since the summer started, it’s the Mallu in me that stands out during summer. I crave all summer fruits, the ones I happily devoured when I was a kid spending my summer vacation in Kerala at my grandmother’s place. As kids we didn’t care about the summer heat and humidity in Kerala, all we thought about was playing with cousins and eating all the summer fruits available to us in abundance. Mangoes, jackfruit, coconut water, malai, white jamun, mulberries, cashew fruit and some wild berries, oh what a treat that was. Apart from getting heat rashes summer was always bliss, it was like living in a fruit orchard. But now because of the pandemic, it was not easy to get ripe jackfruit, but I think I strongly willed it into my life and one day I finally got a big piece of it. After devouring the ripe jackfruit pieces like there was no tomorrow, I had cleaned and kept the seeds for another day. And today was that day. The recipe was a bit tedious but for a change I didn’t mind as I had promised myself a delicious lunch. So, I prepared a traditional Mallu lunch of jackfruit seeds curry, rice, and a leafy vegetable thoran. I was pleased with myself.

I clicked a picture and sent it to my mother. This is another new ritual I started doing in the pandemic. If I make something good, I click a picture and send it to my mother, and we discuss it over the phone. I speak to her more than once a day, I don’t mention it but my need to know that my parents are doing fine is very strong. So, between phone calls and video calls, I get a sense of how they are doing each day.

My father is not much of a phone person. We barely exchange like four sentences with each other but off late that has changed a bit. One reason is that he has lost few friends in the last year whom he is used to regularly speak with, so I try to discuss topics that he likes and that is mainly politics. We discuss the politics of Kerala, Maharashtra, and India, well that’s a lot I know but we choose the topic depending on the highlight of the day. His analysis is always in-depth and well-read, and it makes me look at different aspects more deeply.

With a contented stomach, I plop myself on the sofa, I pick the phone to read the latest news and update myself with what is happening in the world. Today the news is not about the pandemic but about the deadly airstrikes across the Israel-Gaza border. I see children breaking down after losing their parents, buildings and lives destroyed. What is wrong with us humans, we already have a virus killing us, do we need another war? My heart sinks, I put my phone away.

But it rings again shortly, it’s my niece, she is cooped up in her house so does video call everyday to have conversations, the pandemic has been worst for children for they have to spend summer vacation at home. She sometimes complains about not being able to play with friends but being a child, she still finds joy in every day things like the mango and ice cream she had today. I want to be like her find joy in small things but being an adult it’s a difficult task, we tug bad news along for a long time unlike them. But for now, it’s fifteen minutes of joy time as she discusses some funny videos that she had seen.

Click here to read more personal essays.